I’ll post each chapter as soon as I have finished writing them. From the notes I can already think about a few interesting chapters, “Agatha – how it all began“, “The true story about Edna’s hat“ and of course, “How twins could end up half-siblings“.

A couple of weeks ago I thought it was time to give the program another chance. One of my close online friends used Skype only, these days and I wanted to keep in touch. So I downloaded it again. My first impression wasn’t much different from the last time I tried it. The interface still looks very old. I didn’t give up though, so I went on trying all the features and after a few minutes I was hooked. Here’s a few of the things I love about it:

- The sound quality is amazing. It sounds like I’m talking on the phone.

- You can “share” your desktop which means you can show it to those you talk to.

_ It’s really cheap calling to landlines, even in another continent.

- Computer to computer calls are free.

- You can have video chats

- You can keep your anonymity since your “phone number” could be your username.

- If you pay a small sum, you can have a “real” phone number.

- For a set amount of money you can have unlimited calls.

So far I’ve only tried the computer to computer voice chat, but I’m sure it works just as well as a regular phone. When I can afford it, I’ll buy this cool Skype phone too. It’s a phone that handles Skype and can be connected all the time. When I have that, I can replace my IP phone and be able to call very cheap all over the world. It will be great:)

Mnr pushed away his younger brother Hugh to hear better and Hugh retaliated by pinching his older brother. Stephenetta wanted to stop her brothers’ petty little fight so she pushed them both away. They all settled down when Jnr reminded his siblings that if they kept that up, their parents would notice and come and lock them up again.

Up in the kitchen their parents had started their preparations. In reality that meant Edna was wrapping presents and Stephen had just helped himself to a large whiskey and was focusing on finishing the bottle as soon as possible.

“Dear, isn’t this laptop perfect for little Hugh? I thought I would buy him a new car, but you know how much he loves the Porche and it will be years until he’s allowed to drive it anyway.”

“Hmm dear, yes dear”

Stephen had learned how to listen just enough to be able to answer something, and at least,almost, satisfy his wife. He knew that it was probably best not to interfere where she knew best anyway.

“Honey, aren’t those bottles just perfect for our little daughter. We both know how much she loves her vodka, don’t we, dear?”

“Of course dear, you know best, sweetie”

Edna loved preparing for Christmas. Everything needed to be just like last year and the years before. The turkey had become a bit dusty of course, but it ran around and clucked to itself like it always did. The Christmas tree looked awfully beautiful with all the lights and decorations even though the last needles fell off about 5 years ago.

“When I found this big bag of candy on sale I immediately thought about Mnr. Do you think he’ll notice that they are from last year, love?”

“Of course, dear”

Edna ignored her husband as usual and went on wrapping the presents. “Oh, I didn’t buy anything for the babies, so I just wrapped a few of the cabbages for them, honey. They love opening presents, right dear?”

“Yes, you are, honey”

Edna was so happy. This was the time of year when she was at her best – no, she thought to herself, that wasn’t quite true – actually, she knew she was always at her best.

“Oh honey, don’t you just love the sweater I knitted for Jnr? The blue colour will match his eyes perfectly. I don’t think he’ll notice that the sleeves are a bit different, do you baby?”

“Yes, sweetie, you know best, honey?”

Edna didn’t mind at all that her Stephen didn’t listen to her, as long as he agreed with everything she said. He was good that way, the old pussycat.

“Oh, there was just one thing -” Edna knew this one would be a little tricky, “you do agree with me that Clarissa don’t need any presents, don’t you?” She paused for a few seconds to see if there was any reaction from her husband. “She’ll get one from that person, won’t she?”

“What was that, my darling?” Stephen looked at his wife.

“Oh, I mean that Emma person, of course”

“Yes, my love.” Stephen had already lost interest in the conversation.

“So it’s ok then, sweetie?”, Edna almost whispered.

“Yes, my darling” Stephen poured himself another large glass of whiskey. “Oh, by the way, I know you’re really busy so I wanted to help you with the presents. You always forget about Clarissa so I bought a present from us to her.”

Stephen looked so happy, looking at his wife. He handed over the bag with the present so she could wrap it.

Edna, who had lost all her cheery Christmas spirit, when she’d learned that her husband had bought a present for his ex’s brat, suddenly regained it again when she noticed what he had bought for her. It was a pink dress with lots of frills. Stephen never knew what his kids wanted, but Edna knew that her stepdaughter hated pink and princess-like garments.

“I’m sure she’ll love this cute and – Edna put a lot of emphasis on the adjective – PINK dress”

“Yes, dear.” Stephen returned to his usual Christmas pastime – that of finishing the bottle.

The Fry kids left the lower basement. They were all quiet except for Hugh, who chattered happily about his new laptop.

If you want a forwarding address, please send me a DM.

This was first published in the: Thank you Mrs Fry blog, a tribute page to Mrs Fry.

Edna almost tripped and fell. She wiped away the heavy tears that filled her eyes. She hadn’t been this sad since – Edna tried to remember – since last week when Stephenetta had found her private hidden stash of chocolate and ate it all. The kid had thrown up all over the living room carpet. Edna was sure that her daughter did things like that just to make her unbalanced. She remember that she had to finish a whole bottle of champagne before she got back to her old self again. Fortunately she got her oldest son to clean up the living room.

She knocked on her friend’s door – acquaintance really, Edna thought to herself – she couldn’t really call this girl a friend. She was a good listener and that was why Edna kept her around. And she was certain the girl, Iris wasn’t it, or Ingrid or was it -, Edna could never remember her name, something foreign anyway, liked to spend time with a celebrity. Who wouldn’t?

“Ingrid, dearest, how glad I am to see you. Here’s a little something for you.” Edna handed over a bottle of vodka with a little ribbon tied around the neck of the bottle.

“Thank you Edna”, Iris gave Mrs Stephen Fry a big hug and before she could welcome her older friend into the flat, Edna had swept past her.

“A cup a tea please, dear”

Five minutes later they both sat down in the comfortable armchairs in the small living room. Iris handed over the plate with scones. They ate silently. When Edna had finished her 5th scone she felt focused enough to tell her younger friend – acquaintance – what had made her so upset.

Stephen, her own Stephen had told everyone, told the world something really outrageous. He had – Edna didn’t really want to say the word out loud – had said he was gay. Her husband wasn’t homosexual, she would know, wouldn’t she? If she told the girl everything she would faint. Edna toyed with the idea of telling her just to see her lose the colour of those rosy cheeks of hers, but decided against it. No acquaintance of hers needed to know any details of her sex life.

“Trust me Ingrid dear, my Stephen isn’t gay, I can assure you”, she lowered her voice and moved closer. “Stephen is a tiger in bed”

Iris told Edna exactly what she wanted to know. That of course, these are things a wife would know. Or maybe – Edna thought to herself – maybe the girl didn’t say it exactly like that, but she should have. What she did say was something Edna hadn’t thought of herself. Her husband had recently taken a quiz that told him he was – at least – 50 percent heterosexual. So of course he must be. The rest of the teensy weensy percentage must be his excellent taste in colours and that he danced like a god. Of course her husband could be a bit gay if he wanted to, just as long as he was heterosexual.

Edna made a mental note to herself that she must tell her Stephen that the next time he felt a bit gay he should just ask her out to dance instead of telling the world or maybe he could try to redecorate the bedroom. Very bad of him. Maybe she would need to take out the belt – Edna wasn’t about to waste any more time here. It was time to go home. Maybe she could – ehrm – talk to her Stephen about the matter right now.

“Tina dear, I need to get going. Those kids don’t feed themselves you know. except for maybe Stephenetta of course”, Edna didn’t want to be reminded of that chocolate so she went on. “I need to get supper started. Thank you for the tea and chat sweetie.”

Edna left Iris small flat and made her way back to her home. Now where are those kids? Oh right, she remembered, she’d locked them into the lower cellar. “Now I need to buy more vodka”, she thought to herself. I should have locked that girl into her room instead.

written by guest blogger @irispolaris